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Queenyforever Profile
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Registered: 01-2007
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Re: Atheist Weddings


And hurt in so many ways...some visible, some not so obvious. emoticon

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6/13/2014, 7:00 pm Link to this post PM Queenyforever Read Blog
 
Lesigner Girl Profile
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Minerva
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Re: Atheist Weddings


There are a lot of non-obvious attitudes that hurt society. emoticon

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6/15/2014, 1:19 am Link to this post PM Lesigner Girl Read Blog
 
Morwen Oronor Profile
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When my eldest got married, being the scatter-brain that he is, and not planning the marriage officer's participation in advance, he had to settle for what he got. What he got was a minister of religion who was completely thrown by a wedding without the religion and bible reading business. So he settled for a lecture, without referring to scripture on the importance of commitment to marriage. It was quite nice, but not what I expected them to do. They wanted him to read a piece from Kahil Gibran, but he refused saying the man was a drunk and a womaniser. You'd think that would've given them a clue that the man had an agenda, but they let him do it anyway, so it wasn't the wedding I thought they'd have. Now the other two have already discussed what they're going to do. They'll make sure the person officiating is as atheist as they are, so they don't have to go to the court to get papers signed before doing their formal ceremony. The guy who did ours, did do the Gibran reading, which is why my son wanted that, but he insisted on a prayer for the benefit of our mothers who were pleased that we paid lip service to their beliefs. And he did our wedding in our garden at our house. It was quite nice. Of course when I edited the video, I took the prayer out, so there's no religion in our wedding video.
10/8/2014, 10:20 am Link to this post PM Morwen Oronor Read Blog
 
Queenyforever Profile
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Registered: 01-2007
Province: Just north of the clouds...
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Re: Atheist Weddings


Oh dear....not crossing your T's and dotting your I's in wedding preparation can be a disaster! emoticon

My Mother planned my 'first' wedding....in a United Methodist Church, white dress the whole 9 yards. She got her dream wedding. I got a divorce.

My Mother-in-law planned my second wedding. In a Catholic church...light beige dress, preacher and all...she got her dream wedding. I got a divorce.

Hubby and I planned our 3rd wedding. Justice of the peace, dinner out, nice clothes.....been married for 31 years this time.

I want to renew our vows on our 40th...out in the Rocky Mountains...perhaps at the Maroon Bells in Aspen. Totally a tree hugging, hippie....John Denver playing, mountains spirits ....WEDDING! emoticon

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10/8/2014, 5:20 pm Link to this post PM Queenyforever Read Blog
 
Lesigner Girl Profile
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Minerva
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Re: Atheist Weddings


My only wedding was in a church, but only because the pastor there was the only person we could find who would marry us on New Year's Eve, and for whatever little money we could afford at the time. It was more like a justice of the peace kind of wedding, but happened to be in a church, and the guy officiating it just happened to be a Pastor. There was no real planning, just a phone call to set up the time, place, and price, and he said he'd supply the witnesses. I don't remember if I told him on the phone that we were not religious, or if it was an afterthought when we arrived, but he left out the religious stuff, and we were pleased with him.

I only know of one atheist who is ordained to perform wedding ceremonies, and that's AronRa. If I ever get married again, it would be neat to have him officiate it in a nice park somewhere. emoticon

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10/9/2014, 2:49 am Link to this post PM Lesigner Girl Read Blog
 
Morwen Oronor Profile
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Living in a secular country, we ca pretty much do what we want with weddings. The only problem is that it has to be registered, so if you want to do it without the benefit of a certified marriage officer, who is usually affiliated to some or other religion, you go to the magistrate's court, go through a proper wedding ceremony, without any religion in it at all, and it's really very nice, then you can do whatever you want for your friends at your party. We went to my second son's wedding at the court, it was really beautiful. The officer was a woman in a really pleasant office and she allowed me to take pictures. She did the whole business of do you promise etc etc., and even "you can now kiss the bride" quite sweet. A lot different from my weddings in magistrates offices where photos weren't allowed and some anal official just said to hold up your right hand and swear...

My youngest wants to do something at a restaurant after the court proceedings, and they'll do their vows themselves, without anyone officiating.

Oh God, my mother-in-law arranged my first wedding. She also arranged everything in my first marriage for 10 years until I just gave her precious son back and walked out. The second one was sprung on me without me doing anything, it was too quick, I didn't have time to realise I could make my own choices. The third one was wonderful. We planned everything, did all the work ourselves and still thoroughly enjoy reliving the video.
10/9/2014, 9:02 am Link to this post PM Morwen Oronor Read Blog
 
Lesigner Girl Profile
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Minerva
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Re: Atheist Weddings


Photos weren't allowed in the magistrate offices when you got married? Why the heck not? emoticon

I'm glad you finally got to have a wedding you loved the third time around. emoticon

I have to say, this:


I didn't have time to realise I could make my own choices.


I knew I had a choice on my wedding, but this rings so true to me on so many other things.

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10/9/2014, 11:11 pm Link to this post PM Lesigner Girl Read Blog
 
Morwen Oronor Profile
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Re: Atheist Weddings



Lesigner Girl said:

Photos weren't allowed in the magistrate offices when you got married? Why the heck not? emoticon


It was in Apartheid SA. Every government building was protected from cameras because of the threat of "communists" getting their hands on the photos so they could blow them up.

Now we're only not allowed to take pictures of casinos. emoticon


I'm glad you finally got to have a wedding you loved the third time around. emoticon


I did indeed. I proved with this third marriage that I was more than capable of making my own decisions, and picking the things that suited me. Previously everyone around me thought they knew what was best for me, right up to the time that when my mother lived with us, she deliberately destroyed my favourite red mini skirt because she thought that at 40+ I was too old to wear a skirt above my knees. So I went out and bought another short skirt which had to be dry-cleaned so she couldn't get her hands on it. And I wore it until I got too fat to fit into it. But yes, this is definitely the best thing that happened to me.


I have to say, this:


I didn't have time to realise I could make my own choices.


I knew I had a choice on my wedding, but this rings so true to me on so many other things.


My second marriage changed my mind about the cliché of marrying your "best friend." It's a mistake. Friends are for friendship, lovers are for marriage. Sheesh he was a lousy husband, but was always a wonderful friend. This marriage, started out as a romantic marriage and in old age has turned into friendship. I like it better this way around.
10/10/2014, 5:08 am Link to this post PM Morwen Oronor Read Blog
 
Lesigner Girl Profile
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Minerva
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Re: Atheist Weddings


Ah, Apartheid. That explains it.

It made me laugh that you got another miniskirt to replace the one your mom destroyed. Good on ya! emoticon I hate it when people believe they know what's best for another adult. Children, yes. Adults, no.

When I was working for a guy from India, he once asked me what I would do if my parents tried to forbid me from moving to Australia. I said I'd tell them to !@#$ off. He said, "Really? You would tell them to !@#$ off?" I said, "Yeah, so it's a good thing they wouldn't try to stop me from doing what I want to do. I'm an adult, and they have no say in the matter."

I have known this guy for years, and I met his daughter when she was little. I never really got to know her, but I believe she was 17 when he was telling me how he planned to arrange her marriage. I told him that's fine if that's what she wants, but he raised her in this culture, and there's a good chance she'll want to choose her own husband. If that's what she wants, then he needs to respect that or he'll stand the chance of losing her.

My ex and I were physically attracted to each other before we became best friends. Since he is my ex, it's obvious that it didn't work out. I think there is something to be said for people who start as friends before the relationship turns romantic, but there is no magic formula, and you are proof that romance before friendship can work, too.

Last revised by Lesigner Girl, 10/10/2014, 5:55 am


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10/10/2014, 5:54 am Link to this post PM Lesigner Girl Read Blog
 
Morwen Oronor Profile
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Citizen

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Re: Atheist Weddings



Lesigner Girl said:

Ah, Apartheid. That explains it.

It made me laugh that you got another miniskirt to replace the one your mom destroyed. Good on ya! emoticon I hate it when people believe they know what's best for another adult. Children, yes. Adults, no.


Yep she was funny about that skirt. She ought to have been impressed that I was wearing skirts. Once I'd discovered trousers, I hardly ever wore skirts again. I don't even own one now.


When I was working for a guy from India, he once asked me what I would do if my parents tried to forbid me from moving to Australia. I said I'd tell them to !@#$ off. He said, "Really? You would tell them to !@#$ off?" I said, "Yeah, so it's a good thing they wouldn't try to stop me from doing what I want to do. I'm an adult, and they have no say in the matter."

I have known this guy for years, and I met his daughter when she was little. I never really got to know her, but I believe she was 17 when he was telling me how he planned to arrange her marriage. I told him that's fine if that's what she wants, but he raised her in this culture, and there's a good chance she'll want to choose her own husband. If that's what she wants, then he needs to respect that or he'll stand the chance of losing her.


I don't get how people with outdated traditions living in the west can't understand that their customs are outdated. Imagine a girl growing up in America allowing her father to arrange her marriage.


My ex and I were physically attracted to each other before we became best friends. Since he is my ex, it's obvious that it didn't work out. I think there is something to be said for people who start as friends before the relationship turns romantic, but there is no magic formula, and you are proof that romance before friendship can work, too.


I suppose each relationship has it's own dynamic. My second marriage was a mistake. Mostly because we'd known each other as friends forever, and then intimacy changed it. I thought we'd be friends "with benefits" but that didn't happen. So when I met the new husband, I made sure that that didn't happen by living with him for years first. emoticon I could say more, but not on an open forum.
10/10/2014, 12:32 pm Link to this post PM Morwen Oronor Read Blog
 


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